The Legal System

So somewhere between my graduation in May and November, I found myself starting to fight with the help of a dear family that I became a part of. My sister was still at home, and that scared me to death. I knew I had to get her out of there. In November, I found myself at the police station, filing a report. That was one of the hardest things I had to ever do. Not long after that, my sister was taken by cps. After years of family court, she was placed into a family, and she never had to go back! During all that time, I had to continually fight and press charges. Those were one of the hardest times in my life! I did not have an happy ending in that he I saw justice in court (because of technical things), but my sister was free, I no longer was bound to him, and I had the freedom in knowing I finally stood up to him and never had to submit to him again. My chains were broken! There is so much freedom in fighting and standing up for truth.

My Story

My life changed in an instant one spring afternoon during my junior high years. My so-called friends from the neighborhood turned on me and raped me. I did not even understand what was going on. I was so frightened.... I thought I was having a bad dream and just wanted to wake up. I felt so alone. I had no one to talk to, and if I did, how could I even describe what had happened?! This was the first deep cut to my heart.

 I turned into a girl who did not even know herself. I found myself, making myself throw up because I could not take the images in my mind...

 

Next I know it is the summer before my ninth grade year, my dad starts coming in while I am changing, looking at me, and touching me... my heart breaks even more... I begin to wonder if this is normal?! Now that I was raped once does that give everyone the right to use me?! ... My dad horribly molested me all through high school.  He would come in almost every night. I had to make him happy, if I did not, I would pay. That payment was so great. He became so violent. I was no longer good enough for him. He used different objects on me to inflict pain. I felt so scared. I became different people. Each day I had to go back to school like I was ok, when inside I was screaming out. I just wanted someone to know, but I was too scared to even utter one word. I became so hopeless. I was so entrapped. I was so exhausted. I learned how to emotionally amputate myself. I remember praying to God to make this stop and crying where are you God?! 

Then my junior year, my heart shattered even more, my dad, whom I still loved, sold me to his friends. This played with my head so much. I was so angry that he would just sell me off to his friends for money. Is a screw all I am worth?! How could the one person who took everything away from me, sell me off?! This was too much pain for me to handle. I turned into a very angry person. I did what I had to survive. I began to party and drink to try to mask my pain. I wanted control in something! Throughout my last two years of high school, he sold me more and more. His violence became worse and worse, I would bleed for days.... he even through his violence took the life of my baby. I was so broken and alone. I wanted to just die. Finally the drinking and partying did not help anymore. My heart and all that I was, was so shattered and broken, that I was utterly hopeless. I thought there was no meaning to life. How could I ever live with this if I could not even cope with it anymore? I remember countless times dreaming of how I would kill myself, but something always stopped me...